Thursday, December 27, 2012

Before... and soon after.

It's a new phrase in life right now.

After leaving all unwanted emotions behind, I cant help but believe in this "When you think positive, positive things will come to you."

Sure, it sounds dumb. I mean, how do you go on and believe such a saying will change your life?

But it doesn't change your life, directly. It changes your attitude towards life, and from there changes everything else. I've been sharing this simple thinking with everyone I know. And I hope it helps them too.

Right now, I'm full of energy everyday.
My new job rewards me with a new insight to what I thought I lost interest in - art.

I don't feel tired, or tied down in the very least.

Handling emotions is so much more easier now, I feel new haha.

Now, on and forward!

Year-end is approaching! 2012 is coming to an end and when I look back, there were so many things and people I lost, or lost me. But strangely, I became a lot more closer to people who I thought I lost earlier. Emotions got jerky and here I am, with rekindled feelings.

Honestly, every year end I write the same thing - losing and gaining.
I thought I lost it, but no, I gained more than I lost.

2012 - my biggest enemy seems to be 'assumptions'.

I am never the person who likes to be maligned; well who does anyway?  The old me would probably get very upset and try all sorts of ways to speak up for myself. But in the end, when you get fixed onto the table by someone else's opinions, and whatever you say or think doesn't matter, because you are not them.

I've always thought that, by throwing my naked feelings on the table for all to see on the very first trust I give, is the honesty I offer with both hands. Just so that people will not assume anything about me, especially when no one really cares if stuff are factual or fictional. At least I make my stand, y'know?  But not anymore.

But I have to say this: I truly, honestly enjoyed the process. I know certain feelings are real and of true concern, and I hope that is mutual, somehow. Memories it will stay.

2012 - My biggest gain.

All thanks to positivity (no really!) I've changed so much, even the closest to me couldn't believe it. This is probably my greatest gain. No more negativity, no more childish tantrums.

I can do it, now I say.
I won't let anything bad bother me.

Since I switched jobs, I have lesser time to spend with my family and my boyfriend.
Both both sides understood and accepted it unconditionally.
I'm truly grateful for that.

Especially the Boyfriend. We've been trying so hard to squeeze time out for each other even before the job switch. We meet maybe 4 hours a day, 2-3days a week. That doesn't even make a full day in a week?

Now, its even more hectic. I see him 3 hours a day, 2-3days a week. And if his off days doesn't fall on Sunday, which is my only day of rest, we survive on 9 hours of meeting up a week. Days like these are so so hard for us but we are thriving on.

I think we are actually happier now, because we treasure our time together so much, there isn't much room for arguments. All we want is to use the time in quality.

2013 - So much more to come

So, we didn't die on the initial day of 2012.12.21. (I was working when it started to pour, and the first thing that came to my mind was Oh is it gonna get flooded and I'll be swept away haha)

There are so much more in my plans.
My marriage, my very own home, my furkids growing up, perhaps a few more overseas trips.
I wish for my family to be in great health.

I want to know more people.
Widen my view in arts and the world.
I want to be useful, and most importantly... I want to be someone everyone would love to be with.

I want to look back at this entry and think: I've got all these.

:) Cherish the last few days of 2012, and have a great 2013 ahead all!