I feel stupid.

Was talking to dennis online, then he asked how was i. I reflected and I realised, I was being a jerk these days.

Im tired.

Im wornout.

And im being a fake. I force smiles, i do things for other people just for the sake of making them happie, and when i get home, I burst. I snapped at everyone and I know Im a jerk. I am. I am!

Seriously not in a good mood after today's work. Long day, and the tiredness kill my fakeness. I had no idea if that's good or bad, all I know is that it's something too strong to ignore. When i tlak to yan on the fone today, i half-snapped at her. "Why are u always finding excuses not to go out with us?"

I want to scream f.u.c.k myself to the hell. Im doing that to my own close friends. So what's next?

Ah ze called a few moments ago and I was like: ni da lai gan ma. XIan zhe mei shi zuo hai shi xian zi ji tai shuai, zhao bu dao ren pei ni?" It was a totally disapproving tone. He was so shocked, he asked wad happened and I told him, I want to die, is that shocking enough? The three mins silence teared me up. I wanted to cry. I pratically broke my phone so that i can end this call asap, after a quick sorry. *sighs* dui bu qi ah ze.

Wad's happening to me.

I feel so strengthless.