Wednesday, July 07, 2010

This morning after I woke up,
I walked into the kitchen like how I do everyday.

But someone is missing.

Most of my friends are aware,
that I lost a family member yesterday.

My beloved dog, Bingo.

He was yelping in pain in the morning,
and we actually planned to take him to the vet again yesterday morning.

But he collapsed onto the floor, breathing hard.
Fluids flowed out of his mouth.

We rushed him to the hospital,
only to know that if we put him through treatment,
he would have to be in long term pain.

Bingo is 13 years old this year.
That's probably 80~90years old in human years.
It breaks our hearts to see him suffer so much.

He's only a small animal.
He's not like us humans, whose body can tolerate more pain.
It hurts even to see a needle sink into his flesh,
which already happened that time we brought him to the vet.

I could still remember the yelps of pain when he had to do that injection.
And his blood oozing out from the wound.

So the vet gave us another choice:
To put him to sleep.

We cried.

The decision is so hard.

Its like his life & death was in our hands.

we don't know how to put our family member to sleep.
Neither do we want to watch him suffer so much pain on his tiny body.

My mum called my dad in Malaysia.
He asked to talk to me,
and he said,

"Bingo is old already. Putting him through treatment not only brings him more pain, it also does not guarantee he would recover at all."

That says it.
The doctor agreed it would be painful for him,
and there's no guarantee he would recover as well.

The decision is made.

Mum signed a form.

And we were taken to a private room.

Where there he was,
standing upright,
looking at us as if nothing happened earlier.

Just like our Bingo.

The only sign that he wasn't alright,
was that he was panting & breathing hard - the syndromes before he collapsed that morning.

Suddenly I felt like I didn't want to let him go away.

I kept telling myself not to cry in front of Bingo.
He would know something is wrong.
But somehow, I think he did know.

We asked for some food and water, because he didn't have his breakfast.

And he ate.

And I couldn't control my emotions at all.
Neither could my mum & bro.

This is hard,
really hard.

We hugged him, kissed him, stroked his fur, told him that we love him.
Because we knew after this, we wouldn't be able to anymore.

The doctor came.

She injected into a pipe attached to Bingo's leg.

And he fell asleep, slumped against my brother's arms.
He stopped breathing heavily,
just soundly asleep with calm breaths.

And he'll sleep his way to the skies above.

Home was empty.
The moment the door opened,
I had the urge to call for Bingo.
Like I always do when I come home.

His cage is empty.

His kiwi toy that I got for him was on the floor, his owner gone.

We'll bring it over for him, to the place where his ashes would rest.

BF called after his outfield.
He too, was shocked & speechless.
He really wanted to call me before, but he couldn't due to circumstances.

Friends & Bosses asked if I was okay.
I said yes, but maybe I'm need more time.

BF called again to ask if I'm alright.
I told him the whole story.
He sighed, again and again.

"Why is this so sudden?"

I knew he was very upset too.
He loves Bingo, as much as we all do.

At least we knew he led a happy life.
The jumpy, bouncy puppy who grew up into a dog who didn't think he was an adult.

live well in Heaven.

Watch over everyone who loves you.

Even though there are times you really irritate the hell outta me,
I can't seem to get angry at you for long.
You're not a pet to us.

You are our family.

Sweet dreams, my babyboy.
We love you.

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