Thursday, July 13, 2006

Carrie wants me to entertain her, but I have no idea what should I update.

I did some thinking these days, at a funny place named COTTAGE PIES. No i ain't lazing around, it's just that no customers are around wahahs.

For all of my life I felt that I was the one who took the initiative to do something. I don't know, I always have this drats and darns feeling.

Sometimes I really hate taking the first initiative.

Okay, come.

Firstly, my best friend doesn't really knows how to make the first move. She can make me lose my temper so easily, and then totally have to do nothing, cuz I will be the one who calls her days after. No la, Im so not blaming her. Maybe it's cuz I get lonely easily. Im a typical Librian.

Basically most of my friends are like that.

You know, the typical: "Anything la, You choose la, I dunnoe la."

I don't like that. Well, I can say, I hate that.

This made me think even further. Maybe it was because he took the first initiative with me, that's why I like him so much.

Did I start to like him as a great friend because of that?

I really don't know.


I don't know what to do about this feeling and voice within me, that curse everyone that made me decide.

Im not angry, really. Im just very irritated.

I don't want to be the best, nor the leader. I didn't want to be the Chairman of Guzheng at the very first place. Because being the top position of the Esemble means I will have to voice out all the time, be the one who start everything even if im not happy.

I don't want to be the one introducing myself loudly and cheerfully just because my friend sitting beside me is too shy to do so, and I have to bring her courage up.

It hurts.

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