After some crying I decided to come down to some conclusion or something. No no, I wasn't sad. Ah well, maybe I was. This is kinda stupid but being me, I just cry at anything possible. This time, it's the ending of My Boss my hero. Lol. My eyes are aching.

Guess what, I just had a fight with my brother. As usual yes. I remember I used to cry in defeat. But these days I just glare at him without emotions. He would just get really frustrated that I didn't squint my eyes and start to cry. Then he'll start all the yelling.

It's pretty weird that I can cry so easily watching dramas and reading books when I just disallow myself to shed a tear in defeat. I have no idea if I like my brother or not. As a family? I don't know. If he wasn't my family, I probably wouldn't even look at him.

The way my parents take this situation is typical. 'It's just another fight between siblings.' Sometimes I hate hate hate this thinking. When can they understand I really dislike him? After all the crying I done that fateful day, all the agony that a 17 year old can pour out results to this?

I guess I won't tell another soul about what happened. Only three people in this world other than me knows the truth. Miss Kong, and my parents. I always thought I will cry if I say that matter out again. But taking what I felt now into consideration, I might just sweep it off my shoulder like it's nothing at all.

All of a sudden, I felt grown up.

I have thoughts of settling down and moving out of this home so that I don't have to see my brother. I have thought of giving up on my dreams and just be a normal girl who studies hard for the sake of her future.

Then I can have two kids, and live with my husband happily ever after.

Ctrl alt delete, rebooting system. I can only say, it's impossible to ignore my dreams. Singing that is. I can never give up. Like what Zidane say, why give up when you're in the middle of the path towards your dreams? Settling down? How many people in this world settled down, and have their partners not get into any affairs?

Ah well. Oh well.

I still remember what Andrew, my vocal classmate said to me at the train station. He said he respected me, for being able to convince my parents singing is the way I wanted. He respected the Jeslene who decided to leave schooling for a year to give chase to what she really wants and worked to earn money to pay for the vocal course and live concert artise training.

I told him, no, I'm not as great as you think. Because I gave in to my parents, I went back schooling. Although it was part of my plans at the very start, it still felt rather stupid to give in so easily.

Sometimes the word Failure just rush through my thoughts. I chose to ignore it. I chose to listen and drink in the applause after each and every performances I gave in my live concert company.

所谓虚荣心作崇吧。



Well. There's actually no point in this whole freakingly long entry. If you guys really read through, I thank you. =)

Take care ladies and gents, love ya all.