i just got hoooooooome from Hark's Open Mic Students Showcase.
I was there to sing for 2 student composers.
I had a hard time memorizing the lyrics,
cause after all, they are original songs that I've never heard before.

Super tired right now,
not to mention hungry.
My dinner was an apple, mini one, at 4pm.
Super zai, I am.

After singing two songs today,
I surprised myself, I guess.
I wasn't nervous, I didn't make major mistakes...
Maybe its because of stage experience?
Finally, into good uses?
HAHAHA.

Phillip, an instructor in hark, said I improved three layers hahaha since last year's competition.
Pretty flattered, I must say.
And loads of people said I slimmed down.
HOHOHO.


My eyelids...
They are drooping close... soon.
I am heading to shenton way for lunch tomorrow.
Then shall head to bishaaaaan for my ceeeeeeeeert.


GDNITES!

I had no energy to update recently.
There was quite a number of issues that I couldn't resolve and I was left stranded.
And I made quite a few silly decisions, although I was very clear minded.

But lets leave that for later.
For now, I shall recap what happened this week:


27th of June 2008, I left Capitaland Resi, as my three months contract ended.


I remembered the first day I was there,
All the insecurities and such disappeared when I met those nice people.
I never regretted entering this company.
It was homely and well, very tidbits orientated. LOL.



Oh okay, I did regretted a little when I started all those freaking ARCHIVING WORKS.
Oh goodness, you don't know how much strength and tears I put into these lil babies.
Killed me, almost.

But that was also how I met...
Haha.


Left Row: Annabel, Kai Lin, Josephine, Lee Choo, Yan Lin @ the back
Right Row: Jeslene, Nora and Li-Chung
Jennifer is not the picture, she went to pick up a call.


On Wednesday, Nora and everyone else gave me (& Li-chung) a treat.
And knowing I love Jap food, they brought me to this place named Shin Nichi @ International Plaza.
Claimed to have COLLAGEN in their ramen, I had it. HAHAHA.



And they know I couldn't live without Sashimi.
HAHAHA.



And thanks to Li-Chung wonderful 10megapix cam, I have such clear pictures hahaha!


My lovely colleueges =)
We're not totally from the same department ya know.
Its like, HR, Tax, Project Admin, Finance. HAHA.

We gossiped (about someone who loves breaks LOL)
Made cold jokes (that were really cold)
It was really fun and all.
The food's not too bad either.
Service is good enough =D



I've been thinking.
Am I betraying my own feelings?
Or am I just facing up to it?

Now I really know how Hui felt.
To be unable to leave things as it is.
The kisses, hugs and touch.
It tends to linger.

Am I way too greedy, wanting more?
I won't get to see the giver as often as I could anymore.
My decision to make this a fling... its not right at all.
I knew it.

I knew it.

But I couldn't deny myself.
You make me happy.
You make me feel loved.
You make me feel like I'm Jeslene all over again.

This doesn't sound quite like a fling isn't it?

I want to leave things as it is.
I won't put in anymore emotions.

Fling.
That it shall stay.

--

Oh right,
MY PHONE DIED ON ME!
The earpiece part gone case I guess.
Must be too much sliding of the phone.
Changed back to my dear old phone while my current phone gets some surgery at the service centre.
I need to get used to it again man.


By the way, I spent way too much these days.
I've got myself... like three dresses, two tube babydolls, esprit fragrance, ginvera products, Bras & underwear...

All within a week.
I spent more than $150 in like, 4 days.
I MUST BE CRAZY.
But I was really happy with my purchases so I guess I'm happy.
HAHA.

--

I just re-dyed my hair.
Its reddish brown now.
Sorta like my old colour, just a lil brighter.
I like my hair colour to be just brown enough to be seen.
Hoho.

I won't turn into a blondie =P

--

I guess this entry is long enough.
Tomorrow's the showcase and the lyrics are half attached into my head.
I hope I don't screw things up.

Hohoho.

I'm still alive...

No lah, I'm not ending my blog.
The previous entry was dedicated to my emotions.
I wrote something long and painful.
But I decided to spare it a thought.
What if someone saw it and told it to her?
He shall face another problem.
I don't want to leave as a trouble.

So I deleted it.
Edited it.
And posted a statement short enough to remind me of what happened.
Its part of my memories after all.



BUT!
Currently.
I'M DRIVEN CRAZY!
I have an orginal composition to learn again!
AND I HEARD IT ONLY NOW!
I'm supposed to get it stuck in my head so that we can try it out tonight.

ARGH!
ARGHHHHHHH!

But year anyway.
I have a facebook now.
So just add me @ jeslene88@gmail.com .
After much nagging from friends to get a facebook.
Cough.

This is the end, I guess.

Before anyone thinks I'm like...
Emo, depressed, whatever...

Jeslene Lee is rather alive, so no problems.
Just very tired these days.
Kept waking up at 4am in the morning and after I went back to sleep, I always wake up late.
And thus made Kailin wait for me.
=\


I was supposed to have a date yesterday after work.
Yes lah, date lah.
But cancelled.
Headed to CS instead for billy bombers.

And today was Kbox day with Kailin.
Then headed to Ikea.
Then to tampines mall for some walkabout.

Felt a little...
Well.
I can only say, memories loitered in the mall.

Kai Lin is a good listener, and I love her for that as well as many other qualities she possessed.

Got myself a black satin OL skirt, which I am selling off cause my butt shows too much HAHA.
And a necklace from Minibits.
And a pretty v-neck top from Mango Sales.

I had a good time today =D
But I think I might be staying home tomorrow.
Unless I have some dates lo.
HAHAHA.

Im kidding.
You think I'm so popular?
I think my boobs are more popular than me =(


Esplande with YanLin.
Its that day the both of us walked from Tanjong Pagar to City Hall.
HAHAHA.
I walked in stilettos!
Call me crazy~ =D



We stood on the seats just to take the background haha.

Singapore river, and NDP platform.
Oh and Singapore Flyer hahaha!


The sunset and a crazy woman.


Before I headed out today.
I had triple eyelids on my left eye this morning!
Super shocked.
But it recovered before I remembered to take a picture of it.
I don't get triple eyelids unless I'm darn tired.
This proves something lah huh.


Outside of Kbox, E-Hub =))


Next week will be my final week with Capitaland Resi.
I'm almost fully booked for the week.

Monday & Tuesday: Kai Lin & Paul. I mean not together lah, just that haven't decided who to meet on which hahaha.

Wednesday: Nora, my supervisor and Josephine, my colleague, Li-Chung & Yanlin & Kailin. This spells FAREWELL DINNER. Hahaha. They're having japanese for my sake! HAHAHA!

Thursday: Practice @ Hark.

Friday: Dinner with Xinyun Jie. Jap again she promised lol!

Free for all on Sat and Sun.
HAHAHA.
While stock last?

I haven't been blogging...
Lol.
Its friday today...

And I don't even know if I'm heading out after work.
My life man....


I should u know, get into more flings HAHAHHA....

I had a walk with YanLin from Tanjong Pagar to Cityhall yesterday.
Walked past esplanade and Fullerton and I thought of ze.
Seriously, maybe its him all along.

Sighs.

=D

I knew I will see you still someday.
I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

Why?
Don't use those eyes to stare into mine.
Don't use those lips which are not mine to kiss me.
Don't say those words that I longed to hear only now.


I'm not a replacement.
I have my emotions.


Call me crazy.
I know I'm living in my own perfect world.
For that, I shall believe whatever excuse you gave me.
And then...
I'll leave 'us', as friends.
Friends... So that I can get through the last week of work, which I must interact with you.


Jeslene,
Love yourself.
You know there are loads of ppl around who loves you.
=)

BWAAAAAAAAH!
I'm SUPER tired!

We had a family gathering todaaaaaaaay!
So I woke like, 7am to prepare and headed towards...


Pasir Ris Paaaaaaark!
Oh man, its darn humid today!
No wind!
What's a beach without sea breeze!

But anyway,
today is a gathering for my mum's side...

And the first time ever since my popo left us.
Ironically we've only decide to have a gathering AFTER her departure.
But we won't break apart.

Let pictures do the talking!


Candid photo by my small aunt.
EY!
My legs look super long here!
YAAAAAAAAY!


Proper picture.
Please don't ask me why my legs are like so open.
Machiam giving birth.

My big aunt and I.
We look like sisters ya?
Hahahah!
We do look alike la.
I look like my popo too.
The female genes man.



We did not rape that coconut tree.


My mum's ultimate weapon: Paper fan!
Too darn hot today.
urrrrgh.


Camwhoring....
My aunties and my mum ah...
They were so impressed by my camwhoring skills, they decided to try the way I did.

Imagine, three 40years old aunties with KIDS...
All lifting their phones tilting down 45degrees and camwhoring...

AT THE SAME TIME.
OH MY GOSH!
Its such an interesting scene lah!


And all below are my NIANG!






We headed back to my big aunt's house for some karaoke session.
My small uncle got this karaoke machine from China and its like so zai!
You can select multiple song from the inbuilt song library!
And its like 5000songs inside!
Almost all are original karaoke, just no mv, only sceneries.
But its soooooo zai!

Machiam Kbox!

We sang our hearts out.
From like 2pm till 8pm?
Muahahahaha.
From latest songs all the way to Teresa Teng's songs.
Damn fun!

Had dinner at Elias Mall before heading hooooooome.
Its a good day today!


=D

--

Can't help but think a little here and there.
Dreading work tomorrow.
Just because we met there.
Its pretty disgusting to have that aftertaste in my heart.

But I'm fine.
I will be!
=D

FLirt with me, guys!
Muahaha!

Wondering how was my day today?
Or how depressed I should look?

Check this out:

I think I look GOOD.
I felt good, and practically glowing.
It felt SO good to be single and myself again.

Flirty, crazy and sassy.
Purposely wore a flattering top to show off whatever assets I have *AND HIDE MY BULGING TUMMY*
Met up with Carissa and had a insane day out.
I haven't been laughing so hard since... I was supposingly attached?
You made my day boo!
Singing together among the crowd in orchard and bugis...
Making stupid jokes...
Staring at MEN.

I was feeling gorgeous the whole freaking day,
up till now.
I just flirted like crazy with someone else.
Flirting makes you feel pretty, you know.
Threw a sweet smile at a cute guy at cine.

Yes,
I'm still the slutty Jelly.
But you know what~
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOW!
Cause I'm freaking SINGLE!


I missed myself.
Now that I'm back to square one, I found myself.
I love myself now.
At least there are still people out there lusting over me.
Shrugs.
Like what you all say,
loads of fishes in the sea.

Had lunch @ Fish & Co.
Oh their prawn salad with pasta is good!
Yea I only had that for lunch.
With some fries and fish from Boo.

Wanted to find Sin, but he was nowhere to be found.
He said not convenient so we strolled off,
Dont wanna make him angry =(

Got myself a candy colourful bracelet,
a pair of comfy flats that I wanted since last month,
and identical dresses from cotton on with boo.

Great company (Oh I just love my boo, so crazy!), good buys (ey none of the stuff I bought was above $15~), good food (i snacked on takoyaki), smooth day (cabbing around =P) and GREAT FRIENDS! (All the concern ladies, well appreciated! HUGS!)

There's no reason for me not to feel good!
I guess yesterday is MY BLACK FRIDAY!
IT WAS FRIDAY THE 13th YESTERDAY!
WAAAAAAAA!
I didn't realise until boo pointed that out.

So scary.
I should start believing in friday the 13th all over again.
Shudders!

Outdated pics!

YRYB gather @ TCC.
Candid!
Alan are you lusting over that choc cake?


He told me to take a nice picture of him.
And it turned out this way lah.
Sin and Wei were laughing over his ears cause when he smiles, they rise and when he doesnt, they droop.


Happy Belated to WEI.
AND HAPPY BDAE TO ALAN TODAY!

Their birthdays are one day away!
So romantic, this pic.
HAHAHA!

Alot of people agreed that the four of us from YRYB have that Fu Qi Lian (Couple look).
That's funny.



My macchiato from Spainele.
Oh. I left my newly bought shoes there loh.
Walked to Cine and I was trying to recall what I got for myself today.
Then I'm like:

MY HANDS ARE EMPTY!
MY SHOES LEH!?

I left it there.
I am so so careless can.

I miss pubbing man.
Should head out soon for it.


And I feel flattered!
Someone just told me I turned him on.
Hhahaha!



I'm all right really =D

Judge from my entry!

Boo morning everyone!

Surprisingly I'm totally OKAY.
I slept rather well (Other than dreaming about being in love with someone i know)
My eyes didn't swell from yesterday's crying, which means I didn't even cry much.
And I look like the normal, single Jeslene Lee.

I'm glad.

Now that I don't have to wait desperately for someone's call,
My phone can lie peacefully on the nightstand FAR FAR AWAY from me with its charger.
And I, can blog peacefully here even if I put it on silent mode.

Its such a relief.
To regain back my status.
Now that everything is over...
Whatever that will be happening next is their business.

As for me...
I just have to stop thinking back...
Concentrate on being myself...
Smile if I ever see him...

And forget I ever have this so called relationship.
But hey did we even start?
Shrugs man.

Really, I'm okay.
Its pretty weird.
But now that everything made perfect sense...
I knew it wasn't my fault.
So of course I feel better than you know, jerks and all. =P


Jeslene Lee is back.
The vixen is back.

And you know what?

SHE IS SINGLE!
(Any cute guys ard please sppear =X)

I should have known.
Actually, I do know.

Now that its evident,
I can let it go.

No more disappearence.
No more worrying.




Hey you,
Thank you for two timing me.
Your gf was good enough to let me talk to you.
I'm sure I won't think of you anymore.

All along,
I knew it,
I told my friends,
Surely you have quite some other flings.
Well,
Ended up: I was one of your flings.

Now it all made sense.
Those times you ensure me your friends need you.
Those times you told me you dozed off.
Well, you made me a third party.

My readers,
I felt cheated.
I am cheated.
But I'm fine.
It all made sense now.
I got something off my chest.
I won't think much of it anymore.


Bye, Blondie.
At least I didn't give my heart and soul to you.
I'm glad I trusted my instincts all along.

I must remind myself to update tonight.

I wanted to, last night but I forgot allllllllllllll about it.

=.=

Met up with my YRYB yesterday for dinner, and TCC.

I miss them LOADS can!

*Gives every a huge hug*

I'll be back to update more pictures and all!

=)

--

Blondie showed some jealousy yesterday when his friend from another team was talking alot to me.
Muahaha.
He happened to be ard to collect someone else's stuff so he kept checking at my area to see what he was doing with me.

He couldn't stand me laughing with his friend so he was like "He disturb you, tell me ah!" right in front of everyone.

Using his 7 years in job status hahaha.

Muahaha.

Then he sms me asked if that friend disturb me.

I say, chatting, you not happy ah.

He say, AH BO DEN.

Hahaha.

--

I NEED TO RUSH~

Picture entry of the day, since I haven't been updating any pictures.
And to you guys' disappointment,
No, no pics of blondie.
Even I, the empress gf of his only have one pathetic picture.
And I look darn ugly in that.
So no I'm not posting that up.

Neh neh ni boo boo!



I went to Swensen @ Tamp for dinner with Kailin on Friday last week.
Thought that it would be rather good, judging from rave reviews from Hiyu jie.
But I was disappointed lah.

Cheese Sticks.
So so lah.
This sorta thing better served hot.
It was half cold.
Too many customers, I guess.

Sirloin Steak.
Can do much much better.
Carnivorous Jeslene was not satisfied.

Doing some stupid camwhoring while waiting for shoes to be ordered.
I didn't buy those shoes in the end.
Cause that salesgirl pissed me off.
They didn't have my size, which is 38, and was persuding me to buy 39 instead.
I wanted to get the blue one which has my size instead actually.
I was explaining to that salesgirl why I didn't want to get size 39, slips and all...
Until that salesgirl said: "I don't know lah. I always buy my shoes bigger in a size." and turned on her heels and walked away.

JUST LIKE THAT!
Kailin and I rolled our eyes and walked away.

Ey, I buy shoes or you buy shoes.
You buy 1 size bigger, my business HUH!?

Playing with my hair.
Feel like cutting it short.
Its quite long already.


I don't want to accomplish the Huihui-Hair standard lah.
Told baby I might wanna cut my hair on Sunday.
He was like, Huh now ah?
Crazy baby.

Speaking of blondie,
being the crazy monkey he was,
He almost wanted to drag me into the men's toilet for some privacy.
I happened to walk pass him after he messaged me that.
I shook my phone at him, and gave him that "You are crazy" look.

He grinned.
I have a horny bf.
HELP.

Changed place in my office.
Here's the view, facing the cargo area and the seaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I wanna head to the beach laaaaaaaaaaaaah!
No, not here, I mean, Sentosa. HAHA.


My dear colluege, Yan Lin.
She's very cute!
Me love her =D

And she's one of the few who saw blondie in human hahahah.
Perks of working in my office,
You get all my gossips fresh =P

Not angry with blondie anymore.
Miss him too much to get angry.
That "I miss you" totally ate up the "wtf" mood.
Yeah, I'm still besotted.
Machiam blinded lah, me.


Waiting for him to get home now.
Workaholic blondie's phone batt is flat.
So I shall wait for him to call.

But I'm slpy.

...I don't feel like working.
Sniff.

I see even when Im not updating, still got people wondering what happened ah...

You can say he dua-ed me.
He almost did lah.
The day before I couldn't find him.
13 missed calls.
Scared the hell outta me.
I thought he's fooling around again.
Yes I have that little trust in him.

He called at 7am, to apologise.
Sorry sorry sorry.
So deafening.
I was crying la, paiseh.
I was darn relief, darn wei qu.
Scared the hell outta him too.

I eve called his HOUSE to find him k.
Was told by his sister that he locked his room.
Started to think here think there think everywhere.
He told me to stop thinking anywhere.
I say, try lah.


Is it so hard for me to trust him?
Yes, actually.
I just don't know him yet.
Yet.
Other than his lips, eyes, face, body...
And some character...
There's still loads more to know before we can move on.

He came to Tamp on Sunday.
But he left within 45mins cause "My friends need me."
Being guilty and all, he was persuaded by me to leave.
I don't want to have a date who's brain isn't on me anyway.
He promised me to go to the zoo, this Sunday.
I doubt this promise.
He always have a system shutdown on sundays.


Office rendezvous just now.
....As usual actually.
5mins of meeting up.
Maybe we should stay this way.


Happy one week, yes ONE WEEK, baby.
I still miss you loads even if we aren't proven to be meant to be.

I almost wanted to say good morning then I realised, its afternoon already.
My brains not working again lah.

Currently waiting for time to pass now,
cause tong will be late so I decided to blog a little.
Yes I'm finally meeting tong!
YAY.


When I say I wanna talk a little,
I mean on the current relationship I'm having.
So if you don't wanna look at such.... things lah, better don't.


Blondie's "I miss you" has recently turned into "I love you".
Whenever he hugs me close, dropping me kisses here and there, he'll whisper those words.
I told him, well, I always do, that Love is too strong a word to use.
If you just like me alot, you better don't say love.

He went all silent upon hearing that.

Then he said, baby, if I miss you every single day, every second, even when you're with me, if this is not love I don't know what is it.
I told him, I don't know if he's fooling around with me.
He admitted that for his past relationships, some he had fooled around.

"But I'm serious baby, really. I don't know what to say for you to trust me, but I really am. Let time tell."

Let time tell, indeed.
I don't even know how long we'll last.
But I was really honest with him.
The insecurity, the fears, the doubts.
I can tell him straight in the face that I was suspecting that he was fooling around with some other ladies when he suddenly couldn't be contacted.
Maybe that's something good.
To be able to tell him how I feel.


The way we've started was weird already.
Chemistry and sparks drove us towards a relationship way too quickly.
So quickly, I can ask him, blondie when is our anni ah, he replied: huh ya hor!?
He said he didn't know why he fell so fast.
I couldn't explain further either.

But now that we're together.
Its better to look forward to days we'll see each other.
I don't want to think anymore.

Blondie, thank you for listening to me.
Thank you for taking me seriously.


--


I am hungry.

Some overdued pictures:


Singing Tui Hou.

A very amusing Xue Wei.
This was taken before our stage performance.
I told Wei, the best way to cure nervousness is to CAMWHORE.

And I took this today.
I look darn tired.
I am, lah.

Today isn't at all a good day for.
Other than seeing Yun today, *hugs daughter*
and kailin spotted my blondie in IP (he said he wanted to kiss me but he's worried I'll get angry haha)
My day basically sucked.
Sighs.

I am overworked.
My arm hurts alot to be honest, but I acted as if nothing is wrong.
Even blondie doesn't know.
I guess I'm just trying way too hard.

No entertainment these days.
Only thing to look forward to is lunch and blondie.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

I've watched Narnia: Prince Caspian!
I can say, its worthed the 7bucks.
Soonwai and Kailin are my temporary BFs for the day (so reported to the real bf)
Great company they were.
My gosh, I was trembling in the cold but the movie was so good, I forgot about it.
When I stood up after the movie ended, my knees almost gave way haha.

Go watch it man, people!
Prince Caspian is sorta cute =P

I got home pretty late last evening.
The familiar distance between home and I was so quiet.
So I messaged blondie say its so so quiet.
He called me immediately and accompanied me home through the phone.
Hee.

It feels weird to see your bf 5mins everyday.
Yesterday he came to collect all the cartons, but he couldn't lay a finger on me cause its MY office.
And my bosses were roaming around.



I think I'll be seeing Yun today.
She's like, having an interview in my company.
Yay!

Hmm,
I think my eating disorder is back.
I don't feel like eating ANYTHING even when I'm totally hungry and my tummy is protesting.
And when I do eat something (I have to, doing muscle jobs daily) I ate like only half and felt like vomitting afterwards.

SIA LAH.
The last time I felt this way was when I was working in Cottage Pies.
I thought office jobs are supposed to make you hungry.

HELP.
This is not voluntary diet loh.



PS: Hui, don't overwork.
PSS: Tong, get well soon, u ain't supposed to diet when u're sick lo!

Yes dears, to make an official statement,
and to not confuse anyone else anymore (Though I don't want to make it a big deal)

I am attached.
No longer single.
Therefore if there are any so called suitors around (you guys must be hiding somewhere all these while, why all of you suddenly popped out when I announced in my blog I was besotted by someone else?)

Sorry, Jeslene Lee is taken.

Actions speak louder than words.
He showed me.


I know there are alot of people who are worried, speechless, commentless and even upset by my decision.
But let me believe myself for this little while.
I've been depending on myself way too long.
For the past 2 years I'm with someone else, I felt as if I was single.

Let me enjoy what's supposed to be in a relationship this time.
Let me.

I love you guys, really.
Huge hug from Jeslene!

=)



Therefore, if there's any more freaking so called suitors dare to come up to me and tell me:
Go out with me lah, give me a chance and if you go out with me and you still like him be it lo~ Take it as I am your test!


I tell you,
go screw yourself.

I know, I know.


I know how many ppl are worrying about me.
I know.

Thanks for all the concern.

But we're fine now.

Yes, WE are fine now.

And yes he did appeared yesterday.


So don't worry ladies & gents,
I know what I'm doing.

I wondered, if I was being fooled around.

I am putty in his hands.

Sighs.

All my darlings warned me,
yes they did.
So did myself, my heart, my brain.
They say, you better not fall for it.

But now that I did.
I feel like a desperate.

Will I see him tonight?
If not...

Will I see him tomorrow?

From the moment I was told that he couldn't make it today,
I expected the answers, all of them to be no.
No I don't think I will see him today.
Or tomorrow.

Or anytime else.
Until I send in requests for them to come by again.

He say, please don't be angry, are you angry?
I say I am not, just disappointed.
I want to see you, he said, can I come by your side tonight?
I still want to see you, even for a while.
If not, tomorrow, I will come by your office, even for 5 mins.
I still want to see you.
But do I? Do I want to see you?

I knew it, man.
For now I shall not put much hope into it.
I'll see.


I'll see.